They won't find me in here. Before this fucking zombie apocalypse started, some evil genius summoned some crazy hell beasts to destroy the fucking world or some shit like that. I don't fucking know why he fucking did that. Maybe he was smoking some weed with Snoop Dog or some other shit that I don't fucking know.
I guess you want to hear the story of my fucking involvement with this zombie apocalypse. I was eating some spaghetti that my friend Luigi made when I heard someone ring the doorbell. Me, being the fucktard that I am, danced my way over to the door when I saw those giant hyper-realistic cocks outside of my door. Scared, I threw a skeleton that popped out in front of me a few days before at them.
Then I decided to carry my dog because he has some fucking involvement with story to my red Bugatti and decided to drive to some creepy old house that was owned by a millionaire that died a few hours earlier. After driving to the house, some scary hell beasts started to randomly attack us because they're fucking evil and they hate fucking Shrek. Rushing inside, I grabbed a shotgun that was just lying on the ground for some fucking reason and barricaded all the windows using some old, shitty planks that were also just there. Then I noticed that dog was bitten by the zombies so I told him that I was sorry and shot him in the face.
A few minutes later, it started to rain hyper-realistic blood for some fucking reason. Then, zombies barged in through the backdoor that I obviously forgot to fucking lock and I shot them in the brain. After that, I noticed a note reading only two words, "''Ghastly Macaroni''".
Then, some more zombies came and shot them near their pubic area. Shortly after, I climbed up to the attic where a bunch of scary dolls were hiding. And that's how I got here. I don't know how long I can survive anymore. I hope I can survive for much longer.
Please, whoever finds this must keep this after I die of a quick and painless death. I can hear some more zombies coming in and I don't have any ammo. OH SHI-